Vacation: Krabi.

As usual, I'm hit by the travel bug. Yes, again. As if I have no baby, yeah? Ha ha ha! What can you expect from one who loves to travel but hasn't gone anywhere for already one year?! No, I cannot say I already know every crack and stain of our walls from being so confined for so long, but the itch to get out is there. And it's not getting any lesser. As my baby's sleep, and my sleep, is getting sweeter and sweeter each night, my longing to explore the world is also becoming deeper and deeper.

So what else should I do if I happen to visit Thai Airways' website (where tickets are always far beyond what we can afford) and suddenly chanced on tickets that are even cheaper than that of the no-frill airlines? Yes, of course (that's Roo's new expression this week! ;D) I keep clicking! And clicking. Until I found myself with a confirmation email that says we have tickets to Krabi!

Ha ha ha! Krabi! With a baby? Yeah, I am crazy! Believe it or not, I realized that only hours after I bought the tickets, and right before bedtime! Yup, you guessed it right. Sleep wasn't sweet that night. One thought after another came. The thoughts evolved into worries. Sigh. I've really got to find out where they sell those "nothing" boxes. So we're flying. So I got rid of the "car seat" crying problem. But what about all the stuff we need to bring for baby Annie? The steriliser? Remember? The stroller? And even if we're not driving to the island, when we get there, we'd still need the car seat. Baby's bath tub, my pillows (yes, I bring my pillows when we go places because the hotel's pillows are usually too high for my neck, gives me neck strain), MY man's heavy cameras, all the baby stuff... How will we lug all these things? Turns out it would be way, way easier for us to just go somewhere near because we can drive our car and bring the whole kitchen sink!

More worries, I booked a late afternoon flight. We arrive there six pm. That's Annie's bedtime. And she doesn't sleep well during the night when we don't follow her schedule. Then I find out the airport is like 45 minutes away from the beach hotels. More worries...drive in unfamiliar territory with the kids at night? The white sand beach, Railay Beach, is accessible only by boat. Can it get crazier than this? You see how much of a worrywart I am??!

Before I became a mother, it was already my nature to worry. Now I'm much, much worse. Borders paranoia sometimes. Good thing I'm married to someone opposite. So in the middle of the night, MY man, while burping Annie, talked me out of them worries. We will make the most of the experience. We bought the tickets, so let's think of enjoying the whole thing. We will travel light (which means no pillows for me, right?). We will arrange for airport transfer. And no, we will not stay at Railay Beach this time. We can do this, my love.

All right. We can do this. I have since stopped worrying and I am now actively looking for a good hotel. Fairly new (read: clean and dust-free). Relaxing ambiance. Near the beach. With free internet. Free baby cot. One that offers airport transfer services.

This is going to be one memorable birthday and anniversary celebration. Can hardly wait!

Heart Disease Eh?

My little man loves to eat anything crunchy and crispy. So he always asks our helper to cook him fried stuff. And indulge him she did. She cooked fried fish, fried chicken, fried beef, fried vegetables. Anything she fried to keep him happy so he'll eat with gusto and finish his food faster than he usually does. So much so that we told Roo that if he keeps eating fried food like that he'll eventually get heart disease. He shrugged that off and insisted that he loves to eat fried. Period.

Well, one day, out of the blue, while the helper was frying food again, he announced, "No more fried stuff, okay, auntie?" The helper nodded okay but didn't think that he was serious. So the next meal, while she was preparing to fry yet again, the little boy suddenly burst out crying. Not just any quiet sobbing. Before I knew it, he was bawling and shouting, "I told you no more fried stuff, auntie! I don't want to get heart disease!" He came running to me and cried his heart out, telling me what his auntie was about to do again. Mommy, auntie T is cooking fried fish again. I'm really going to get heart disease from all the fried food! While I consoled the little boy, our helper hurriedly changed the menu and when the little boy noticed that she didn't continue on with the frying, he dried his tears, smiled, and resumed his play.

Then yesterday, apparently missing his favorite food, he quipped, "Auntie T, it's okay to fry once in a while. Just once in a while, okay?"

On Dreams and Insecurities

I was on my way to school. I was supposed to catch a jeepney. I was with my friends and I remember telling them my stop. The next thing I can recall was the feeling of frustration as I suddenly found myself stuffing laundry into a bag full of hangers. The bag was already bursting at the seams, and I still had books to put in it. It's like the more I try to fit the books in, the more clothes there seemed to be. I was in a state of panic as I know I had to be in class but there I was, stuck with all the laundry in the middle of nowhere.

Another time, I was in the classroom. My teacher announced a quiz and as my classmates scrambled to get paper, I was panicking because I didn't study for the test. How come I didn't know we were going to have a quiz? I remember opening my book really fast, and trying to cram whatever I could into my brain while everybody else was already writing their names on the paper, ready to start.

Still another time, my classmates were excitedly telling me about their project. We were discussing their work when one of them turned to me and asked me where my project was. It was only then that it occurred to me that I hadn't done anything! And the deadline was only a few hours away! I remember trying to come up with something, but the more I tried, the more I realized that I had no clue as to what I was supposed to do! As usual, I was panicking because I just don't know anything about it.

My dreams (or are these nightmares?) occur in different places, different settings. The characters change, sometimes I'm with my classmates in grade school, sometimes my friends in high school, and several times, the people in it were from university. One thing constant about these dreams are the feelings of frustration and panic. They're so vivid that I'm jerked awake with my heart racing. The dreams seem so real that it takes me a few minutes after I wake up to realize that they were just that--dreams! And they're becoming more frequent, used to be just once in a while, but now it's like every other night I have a dream of this kind--the kind where I'm always in school, but never able to do anything I'm supposed to do in school.

So does this mean I want to go back to school? Are my insecurities surfacing and showing themselves through my dreams? Probably. I've been yearning to study again, to engage my mind in learning things other than raising children. Don't get me wrong, I love what I'm doing, I'm having fun watching my kids grow. But I won't be completely honest if I don't admit to a tiny part of me that sometimes wishes I'm somewhere else, doing something else. When that time will come, I do not know. In the meantime, I am determined to stay at home with my children and live life with its ups and downs, with them and for them. I am after all preparing them for the Kingdom, and that to me, is of the utmost importance.

On My Princess

I remember daydreaming about my own little girl even before I got pregnant. I wondered if she would be as active and full of life like her kuya (big brother), or if she would be a totally different personality, quiet, prim and proper. In a previous post, I mentioned how nice it would probably be to have another child in the house who would just play quietly in a corner, a welcome change from the chaotic and messy state our place is always in.

Well, our little princess is now three months old. She's a preemie--born about a month too soon--so her adjusted age would be two months. She has blossomed from a sleepy, tiny newborn into a robust, healthy infant. Her good appetite and ability to sleep through all the noise her brother makes have enabled her to catch up with her weight, and catch up pretty well at that! I have no idea anymore as to what her developmental milestones should be at her age (I'm not as bookish about this as I was with my firstborn) but just the fact that she's now very bright-eyed, alert, and interactive are enough to ease my worries about her being born prematurely. Baby Annie wakes up with big smiles in the morning, and coos and 'talks' to us, her eyes focused intently on our faces the times she is awake during the day. She can lift her head effortlessly, and yesterday I even caught her trying to sit up on her own. When read to, she puts her hand together, her body all tensed, her toes curled in rapt attention as she looks at the pictures of the book, cooing every now and then as if she understands the story. She responds to her big brother's adoring looks and cuddles with her toothless grin and follows him around with her eyes as he moves around the house during his play. I just love every minute I spend with her--it's delightful to touch her soft, silky skin, and breathe in her sweet baby scent! Needless to say, my panic at not being able to bond with her right at birth is long gone, and I am head over heels in love with my princess!

And like they all say when you're blessed with a precious child, I don't think I'll ever be the same again.

David Foster Tickets, Anyone?

Ever since we found out that David Foster is coming to town, we've been talking about buying tickets for his concert. But the past few weekends have been really busy, we've never had time to stop by the outlet to buy. We could have bought them online but there's a 10% discount if you bring the Bangkok Post newspaper to the outlet. So today that's what MY man did during his lunch break.

Now what would you do if you received a call from your husband saying that you can get the tickets for free using your credit card points? Would you still buy the tickets you planned to get, with your budget appropriated for them, or would you upgrade and buy tickets closer to the stage instead? Well, yes, we were so elated that finally we could make use of those credit card points that MY man chose gold package seats that included access to the lounge, entrance at Gate 1 (my knees are hoping that means no climbing of stairs), a premium gift, and free drinks. I just couldn't believe the whole thing that I kept asking him if he was sure we didn't have to pay anything, and he kept assuring me, no, not a single baht! Wow! Great deal eh?

Ha ha ha! Too good to be true! Not even an hour passed when my phone rang again. MY man apparently checking the documents he signed to see for himself that everything was not just a dream, realized that he was still charged for the tickets! All this time he thought he had signed only for the redemption of his credit card points! Turns out the credit card points that were used up were only equivalent to like 10% discount of the tickets! Talk about miscommunication! Sigh. Part and parcel of living in a foreign land, I guess.

So, it's either we find people who can afford to pay them almost front seat tickets, or we swallow the cost, charge everything to experience, and enjoy the once-in-a-lifetime chance of seating up front. Whaddya think?

Then Sings My Soul -- Gentle Saviour

When I wake up each morning, I ask God to come into my heart and lead me through the day. Still, many times during the day, I stray away from Him and do my own thing, say my own words. I forget. I fall. Yet He is faithful. He is ready to forgive. And He is gentle with me. My gentle Saviour, thank you for everything that You are to me and my family!




Visit Amy for more songs that will make your soul sing!

Here's Why...

With Annie snoring quietly on her bouncer, and Roo off to play in the living room, I settle down on the bed thinking I should catch a quick snooze. I wonder how long I can do this--I'm sick and haven't really been feeling well for two days now, and now MY man is also sick himself and cannot help me with the night duties. Had very little sleep for the past 48 hours. I feel light-headed from last night's baby duty and my back aches like somebody hit me hard with a big plank of wood. The painful back, not so much because of carrying the baby this time, but because of the hard massage I got from the spa yesterday. So much for getting relief from back pain--I thought I'd get a back and shoulder massage because I was so sore from the solo night duty the other night. Big mistake--the massage made it worse, my shoulders are much more sore and painful! Can't blame it on the masseuse, yeah she did apply a lot of pressure and kept kneading on that knot in my shoulder like she had a score to settle with me, but hey, I could have told her to stop, right? Anyways...

I close my eyes but as usual my mind is a whirl of thoughts. How I wish I have a "nothing" box--you know the kind that they say guys have? That state of mind that they enter into when they stare into space and look like they're in deep thought but when you ask them what they're thinking about, they invariably reply, "Nothing." My mind never thinks of nothing. There's always a gazillion thoughts going on in it. I will myself to think of a blank piece of paper and within seconds the paper is full of my to-do list. You really need to catch some zzzs now, you have only a few minutes left, I reminded myself. Ha ha! As if that would make me fall asleep. My mind is more awake than ever. Oh well, might as well allow myself to think.

As I organize my thoughts, I could hear Roo playing in the living room. He's apparently fighting in some sort of war because he shouts "Ready, aim, fire!" with subsequent ka-boooom! explosions every few seconds. An occasional stray bullet (piece of block) hits the bedroom door and jerks Annie awake. I get up to check on her but she closes her eyes and dozes back to sleep. Lunch, take a shower, feed Annie, give Roo a bath, buy gas, drive to the supermarket to buy rice, then off to violin lesson. Just thinking of the afternoon ahead makes me more tired. I close my eyes one more time. If I can't sleep, I'd at least get some rest.

The bedroom door bursts open. The big brother really still has a lot to learn about being more quiet around the house when his baby sister is asleep. I kept my eyes shut and feigned sleep. He marched straight to my side, and stood there for a second. I can smell his sweat and imagine big beads of water glistening at the end of his spiky hair (he's growing his buzzed head so the standing spikes of his hair now make him look like a porcupine). I thought maybe this time he's learned his lesson. He's not going to wake me up. Please don't disturb me now, I silently willed him. But no way this boy is going to be deterred from his mission. Nah-uh. My son bent down, wrapped his wet arms around my head, planted a kiss on my cheek and whispered, "Mommy, I love you!" Then without waiting for me to reply, he ran back to the battlefield and resumed his fight with the fervor and ardor of any patriotic soldier.

Sigh (now that's a contented sigh). I smiled to myself. Now this is why and how I survive long and lonely nights, and equally long and sleepless days.

Down but not Out

One downside to my mommying job, I don't have sick leave. I get sick, I take care of myself and still have to take care of the little ones. The daddy tries his best to lighten my load but he has to go to work so I have no choice but to "report to work" myself and just pray really hard that my kids don't catch what I have. No success with Roo, he caught it the second day. Annie is still holding strong-- now I see once more why I have to stick it out with breastfeeding no matter how exhausting it is--apparently, she's getting a good dose of antibodies from the breastmilk, enough to fight against this nasty bug.

The other day, the daddy came home sick. We had to put him in isolation in the other room--had to take precautions just in case he caught a different bug from work. Made it all the more difficult for me--I had to take the whole night duty with the baby all by myself. Two nights in a row now, very little sleep. Can't catch up on sleep during the day too because there's a flurry of activity around the house with our sick-but-still-active boy. Just have to forget that I'm sick--it's a wonder how the mind can control the body. Think that you cannot be sick and your body copes and you manage to take care of your precious ones like you're not. Just have to ignore the pains and aches--no choice but to be strong for the ones I love.

I'm a mommy, I can do this. God help me!