Here's Why...

With Annie snoring quietly on her bouncer, and Roo off to play in the living room, I settle down on the bed thinking I should catch a quick snooze. I wonder how long I can do this--I'm sick and haven't really been feeling well for two days now, and now MY man is also sick himself and cannot help me with the night duties. Had very little sleep for the past 48 hours. I feel light-headed from last night's baby duty and my back aches like somebody hit me hard with a big plank of wood. The painful back, not so much because of carrying the baby this time, but because of the hard massage I got from the spa yesterday. So much for getting relief from back pain--I thought I'd get a back and shoulder massage because I was so sore from the solo night duty the other night. Big mistake--the massage made it worse, my shoulders are much more sore and painful! Can't blame it on the masseuse, yeah she did apply a lot of pressure and kept kneading on that knot in my shoulder like she had a score to settle with me, but hey, I could have told her to stop, right? Anyways...

I close my eyes but as usual my mind is a whirl of thoughts. How I wish I have a "nothing" box--you know the kind that they say guys have? That state of mind that they enter into when they stare into space and look like they're in deep thought but when you ask them what they're thinking about, they invariably reply, "Nothing." My mind never thinks of nothing. There's always a gazillion thoughts going on in it. I will myself to think of a blank piece of paper and within seconds the paper is full of my to-do list. You really need to catch some zzzs now, you have only a few minutes left, I reminded myself. Ha ha! As if that would make me fall asleep. My mind is more awake than ever. Oh well, might as well allow myself to think.

As I organize my thoughts, I could hear Roo playing in the living room. He's apparently fighting in some sort of war because he shouts "Ready, aim, fire!" with subsequent ka-boooom! explosions every few seconds. An occasional stray bullet (piece of block) hits the bedroom door and jerks Annie awake. I get up to check on her but she closes her eyes and dozes back to sleep. Lunch, take a shower, feed Annie, give Roo a bath, buy gas, drive to the supermarket to buy rice, then off to violin lesson. Just thinking of the afternoon ahead makes me more tired. I close my eyes one more time. If I can't sleep, I'd at least get some rest.

The bedroom door bursts open. The big brother really still has a lot to learn about being more quiet around the house when his baby sister is asleep. I kept my eyes shut and feigned sleep. He marched straight to my side, and stood there for a second. I can smell his sweat and imagine big beads of water glistening at the end of his spiky hair (he's growing his buzzed head so the standing spikes of his hair now make him look like a porcupine). I thought maybe this time he's learned his lesson. He's not going to wake me up. Please don't disturb me now, I silently willed him. But no way this boy is going to be deterred from his mission. Nah-uh. My son bent down, wrapped his wet arms around my head, planted a kiss on my cheek and whispered, "Mommy, I love you!" Then without waiting for me to reply, he ran back to the battlefield and resumed his fight with the fervor and ardor of any patriotic soldier.

Sigh (now that's a contented sigh). I smiled to myself. Now this is why and how I survive long and lonely nights, and equally long and sleepless days.