It's been a week. My mom has been gone for a week. I feel so sad inside, I don't have words for it. My close friend describes it as sorrow beyond words. How I miss her. I miss talking to her. I miss telling her what Roo has been up to; what Roo said, what Roo did. She would have been so happy that we are all here. I miss mommy. Terribly.
Yet I can't cry. Tears come trickling every now and then, but I still yearn to have a good, long cry. I've been distracting myself and trying not to think about it, because I don't want my dad to see me cry. Or he'd start weeping too. I don't want my son to see me sad. That will get him so stressed out again.
I cry inside. Deep, deep within me, there's great sorrow for losing someone so dear. It's like losing my lifeline, so to speak. Mommy holds a very special place in my heart, in my life, and now that she's gone, it's like there's this big, empty space inside me, that's longing to be filled. I walk around in a daze, not knowing how to get on with life. I wish this was all a bad dream that I can wake up out of.
Life. It's short. It's fragile. It is indeed just a gift. When the breath of life is taken away, you're nothing. You get buried six feet below the ground, and you don't know a thing. You don't know how lost your spouse feels without you. You don't know how much your children yearn to hear your voice one more time. You don't know how loud your grandson calls for you.
If only I can do something to bring my mom back. If only I can turn back time, I'd insist on her seeing a doctor for a complete checkup. I'd do everything to convince her to come and stay with us in Bangkok where the hospitals have enough facilities to save lives. I'd tell her over and over again how much she means to me, and how much I love her! If only...
God, You have given, and You have taken. Thank you for the gift of having mommy in my life for 32 years! I look forward to being with her in the resurrection morning. Lord, I can hardly wait to see her again! Come quickly, Lord Jesus, come!
7 comments:
i wish im there to give you a bear hug...i can feel your sorrow and pain and how i wish i can help you ease that pain and give you some comfort...i admire your ability to cope with this situation, thank you for sharing your feelings, it will surely help if you can talk it out to somebody and cry out your pain inside...i miss you and roo a lot. i miss our times together...
gianni's mom
:( thought of death still frightens me. something i still refuse to grasp onto. yet every day i pray for God to prepare me for it. because that is reality of living. we will all come to face it if the time comes. but yes, the ressurection morning comes after it and the joy would eclipse all the sadness, grief, fear that we have felt.
praying for your strength and peace..*hugs*
I am so, so sorry. Praying for you now.
Gianni's mom, thanks for the virtual hug. It's a comfort in itself to know there are friends out there who care to listen and empathize. God is as always good! He's here, right here, hurting with us. Just have to trust that this, no matter how hard it is to understand, is what is best for us.
Roo and I miss you guys terribly too!
Anne, what frightens me more is the thought of leaving loved ones behind, now knowing how it feels to be left behind. But yes, I take comfort in the verse, "Weeping may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning."
Thanks for the prayers and hugs!
Jackie, prayers of friends and family are what sustains us now. I am thankful for you!
we'll pray for your mom.
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