Greetings from the Insomniac

Two-sixteen am. Wish I can say I'm in dreamland. Nah-uh. As usual, my boys are fast asleep. Me, well, I've folded the laundry, finished packing. Now I'm facebooking, blog-hopping, and waiting.

We're off to Bali for the Valentine's weekend. Blame it on the excitement of very cheap air tickets, the flight time didn't sink in until after I've received the confirmed itinerary. We leave at six am so we have to be at the airport by four. That explains my vigil. I can never sleep just before a flight, if that flight is not during the day. Well, I'll have three nights in Bali to catch up on the lost zzzzs.

So, if I can't get online access at the beach, let me greet one and all a Happy Hearts' Day!

Pray Without Ceasing

"Pray without ceasing." (1 Thess. 5:17)

I have yet to read my lil Roo this text, but he's already teaching me the meaning of this biblical admonition. One day not too long ago, we were talking about missing Lola, and how wonderful it will be to be with Lola again when Jesus comes. I mentioned that we need to pray for tito J and tito A (my brothers), that the Holy Spirit would work in their hearts, that they would decide to give their hearts to the Lord, that we'd all have a happy reunion with Lola in heaven. Since then, Roo has been praying earnestly for them. Whether he's praying for blessing on his food before eating, or asking for God's protection before we leave the house, Roo does not forget to implore Jesus to work on the hearts of his titos. They're in his prayers in the early morning, and late at night. He ceases not to pray for his beloved titos. Lately, he's even including their girlfriends in his prayers.

Early this morning, I was encouraged by what I heard from one speaker in 3ABN. He was talking about how we should always pray and read the Bible regardless of how we feel. He pointed out that our relationship with the Lord should not be based on our feelings. Our feelings change from day to day, there are days we might not really feel like praying, or opening our Bibles to read, but he stressed that we should do it anyway. Jesus, he said, did not feel like going through the Calvary experience. Three times Jesus prayed, "Let this cup pass from me." He didn't feel like going through it all. But did he shirk from it? No. Because He knew that Calvary was the only way to save us all. And if praying and talking to my Savior, and reading about Him and learning of Him, is the only way to be like Him, then I should do it every single moment, no matter how I feel.

Pray without ceasing.

I Want My Ketchup!

Holding tightly to my plastic bags full of food, I hurried towards the beach with great excitement. My boys had gone on ahead as I had to stop and buy me some green mangoes. As the cool sea breeze blew on my face, I hastened my pace. Can hardly wait to bury my feet in the sand and breathe in as much fresh air as my lungs could take in.

The sight that greeted me made me stop dead in my tracks. For a split second, I had to think. Am I where I think I am? Where's the beach??!

Sprawled in every empty space in what used to be the beach was a farang (foreigner). Pardon the expression, but they all looked like walruses straddled on the sand, catching as much of the sun as their already red, lobster-like skin could allow. The whole stretch of beach was full of umbrellas and chairs, and people sunbathing. Gone is the quiet, restful beach (read this post) we came for. How will I find my boys now? Oh yeah, how else, but call.

Daddy E gave me directions over the phone. Go down the stairs, follow the path to the left till you reach the beach fronting the second condominium building. Okay, got that. Now will have to change mindset. Pretend there's no crowd. Tune everybody out. Listen to the rhythm of the waves lapping on the shore.

I found my boys without any difficulty. Roo was already busy filling his bucket with sand, while daddy E arranged for seats at our chosen spot. Responding to my rumbling tummy, I dug food out from my bags and prepared the roast chicken and rice for Roo. My little boy must have been as hungry for he opened his mouth without any objection. Reclining my chair to a comfortable position, I settled in to eat. Yum!

While we were eating, I noticed this guy right in front of us, furtively glancing at us. He was with three other guys, two of which were old British men. Under my breath, I muttered to MY man, Is that guy gay or what? He seems to be checking you out. MY man chuckled in an embarrassed sort of way and said quietly, "He must still be new at his trade. He's very conscious about it, and maybe because we're a family, he's kind of feeling guilty." My doubts were confirmed a few minutes later when a vendor walked up to them and showed them posters (of naked women). The elderly British man asked loudly, "Do you have naked boys?"

One thing I am most thankful to my Accounting professor for is not related in any way to Accounting. When she briefed us on the rigors of preparing for the CPA board exams, she brought to our attention the necessity of learning to tune things out. That I learned very well. Three years of my college life, I lived in a boarding house with twelve college guys. I don't know what it was about exam weeks, but those were the times when these friends became extraordinarily loud and rambunctious. Too much cramming, maybe ;D To survive, I had to learn to tune noise and even people, out. I can be looking at you and not see you. And that's what I decided to do that day in Pattaya.

Roo succeeded in coaxing his daddy to read for him, so I had a little quiet time to myself and my thoughts. Fastening my eyes on the shimmering ocean ahead, and breathing in the fresh air, I willed myself to tune the crowd out. I grabbed a book from my bag and settled comfortably in my chair to read. Ahhh, life is good!

The serenity of my little corner was soon shattered by a loud, angry voice. Glancing up, I saw the old Brit stomping back to his friends. He had apparently gone somewhere and had gotten into a confrontation with the vendors. Clearly infuriated at the treatment he received from the these people, he expressed his rage at his friends.

"THEY WON'T GIVE IT TO ME BECAUSE THEY SAID I SIT HERE, AND NOT THERE!"

"I AM NOT PAYING THEM ANY MONEY AT ALL!"

"WHAT KIND OF A PLACE IS THIS? NO KNIVES, NO FORK, HOW DO THEY EXPECT ME TO EAT?"

The Thai guy who kept glancing at us earlier grabbed a shirt and started covering his face. No way, this is not happening, he must have thought, I can't show my face to people now. The old British guy did not stop yelling.

"I AM NOT GOING TO EAT THAT, !@#$ YOU!"

The vendor marched up to him, grabbed the box of food from him, and shouted back, "YOU DON'T WANT THE FOOD, GIVE IT TO ME, !@#$ YOU TOO!"

No Thai smile here. No apologies. You don't want the food, don't eat it. You can't put up with whatever is here, leave.

"I AM LEAVING!" "I'M GOING BACK TO CIVILIZATION, AND YOU (pointing to his friends) ARE COMING WITH ME!"

No choice for his friends. They all stood up quietly and with their heads bowed, followed their furious friend away from the beach. The vendors came and tidied up their spot, and explained to us what happened. The poor old guy's burger came without ketchup. He asked for ketchup from them but they couldn't find any. Desperate for ketchup, he walked up to the other stall to ask but they refused to give him any, giving him the excuse that he is not renting their chairs. That made him extremely mad, hence, pandemonium.

Poor old man. Made me think. Many times in my life I act like that guy. I ask God for something, and when He refused, I throw a fit. God, can't You see I need this? I'm hungry and I can't eat my burger without ketchup! Give me the ketchup! God in His own wisdom says no, and I stomp away, to go back to my own selfish, convenient world. Never mind that He brought me to a beautiful and relaxing beach. Never mind that He gave me food. I wanted my ketchup and He didn't give it, so I won't have anything to do with Him!

Me and my narrow-mindedness. God, only You can help me!

Europe Trip Frenzy

The past two weeks I was on a quest. Now that Roo is old enough to travel, MY man and I agreed that we can take that long-dreamed of trip to Europe. So I took on my mission with great excitement. Whatever free time I had in my hands, I was either on some airlines' website clicking on their promotions, or straining my eyes to see the microscopic travel packages on the classified ads. Singapore Airlines, KLM, Lufthansa, et.al. could have earned fortunes from my frequent visits had they charged me per page load. Our telephone bill this month will surely be higher as I had to call several travel agencies to inquire about airfares and taxes, and whatever else that make up an airticket. To say that I got all dizzy is an understatement. Destinations and their corresponding costs were constantly swimming in my head, my insomnia got worse. I couldn't sleep until late at night. Where do we go? How much would it cost if we go there? Which neighboring countries will we visit? How far is it from here to there? Da da da da da.

When I finally found one good deal to Paris, I could hardly believe my luck! Almost all the airlines have skyhigh fuel surcharges for April which is when we're planning to travel. But Etihad Airways has a cheap promotion til June 09. Bkk-Paris-Bkk for only Bht.29,700, and that's all-inclusive! With other airlines, the fare starts from 25k up, PLUS fuel surcharge and taxes, total airfare amounting to about Bht.4ok. Not wanting to lose those cheap seats, I lost no time making reservations for the three of us.

Off to French Embassy website I went to check out the requirements for Schengen visa. Oooopps. No changes there. They're still as meticulous as before. And as slow. 'Twill take one to six weeks to get a visa. About eight years ago, I had a bad experience with the French Embassy. They promised me a visa within one week, and had me go back and forth for three weeks since it was impossible to contact them on the phone. I cannot understand why they would tell you to call them then nobody from their end picked up the phone! The visa did come, when my vacation was over. Then to add insult to injury, they asked me for my airticket before they would give me the visa! Who in their right mind would buy an airticket without knowing when and if they'd be issued a visa?!

So we decided to take the advise of a friend. She said it's much easier to get a visa from the German Embassy. I went on the German Embassy website and found out that they can issue a visa within 3 days. Good. I called the travel agent and booked a flight to Munich, Germany. The fare, it turned out, was even cheaper than going to Paris. Yey!

With that done, I proceeded to check out hotels. One requirement for the visa was the hotel vouchers. Whoah. They're not cheap. Two to three-star hotels start at 60 Euro/night, that's about Bht.2,700. And they don't provide airport transfers. We'd still have to arrange for airport transfers to and from the hotels which are like 50 Euro. Per person! The trains are more affordable, and they say everybody takes that, they cost about 18 Euro/person. If we buy Eurail passes from here, we get access to all the train systems, and a 5-day visit to three countries costs 225 Euro/person.

The more I research about the trip, the more I appreciate my life here in Thailand. Life in Europe seems to be so expensive and so hard. Here I can get to places so easily. I can either drive, or take public transport with a wide range of choices: the bus, the tuktuk, motorcycle taxis, river taxis, or the taxis at a very affordable price. Going to and from the airport is not much of a problem. Food is cheap and found everywhere. You want cheap accomodation, you can find as low as Bht.80/night at KhaoSan Road, or Bht. 590/night at Nasa Vegas ;D I was talking to some people who've been to Europe and they were saying that people there don't really look happy. Well now I understand why so many Europeans come to Thailand and stay here for like three months at a time. Life here is so much more pleasant!

As much as I am excited to see all the sights and finally get to see the famed scenic landscapes in Europe, I'm not exactly looking forward to all the hardships that I now know we will have to go through travelling with Roo (leaving him at home is not an option). For those who have kids, you know it's like next to impossible to travel light when you're with one. How do you travel on the train with luggage and little ones, I wonder? Will the train wait til you get on and be seated? Then if we want to spend less, we can avail of a free fare for him on the trains, but we'd have to sit him on our lap the entire time because he won't get his own seat. That arrangement is ok for short rides, but what about the length of like Munich-Paris? Hmmm.

Oh well. I think I've seen enough of Europe for now ;D My virtual tours have brought me exploring in the castles of Bavaria, and I've sang my way through the Sound of Music tour in Salzburg, Austria. Right now, I don't mind waiting a lil longer til my boy can pull his own weight. Then maybe I'll be more smiles as Roo snaps a picture of me sipping hot choco while trying not to freeze in the Swiss alps.

Why? Why Not?

On Wednesdays, Roo and I drive to Jusco around nine am to buy groceries. Jusco is a Japanese-owned general merchandise store about one km away from our place. Wednesday is market day at Jusco. That means on Wednesdays, all the farm produce just arrived, therefore they are fresh. And cheap. Cheaper than they are on other days. So many people who live in our area go to Jusco on Wednesdays to get their weekly supplies.

We used to drive there as a family late evenings, when daddy E came home from work. But ever since I started driving again, Roo and I head there soon after we eat breakfast. It's so much nicer to go in the mornings. The shopping experience is more pleasant. The staff look refreshed, they smile, and they are more helpful. Parking near the entrance is available, and the vegetables and fruits look so much more delectable and luscious. Not to mention our fellow shoppers don't look haggard and stressed out. Most of them are senior citizens, those who are already retired for they look even much older than my dad. Wednesdays at Jusco I imagine, must be a much anticipated event for these elderlies, an activity that must look forward to every week.

Anyways, so much for the intro. Today, Roo and I were having fun identifying the produce at the vegetable section, when this darling old lady peered closely towards our trolley, and inquired curiously, "Mai pai rong riyan wan-nee ha noo?" Literal translation: You didn't go to school today huh little boy?

I gave her a smile. Khao yang mai pai rong riyan khah. (He doesn't go to school yet.)

Apparently she did not understand that. "Khao pen wat lo khah?" (Is he sick?)

This is the second time an elderly lady we met at Jusco asked us about Roo not being in school on a school day. On the first encounter, the much-concerned senior, upon learning that Roo was three, looked like she would have given me a scolding had I not been a complete stranger. She was like, "He's three?! Shouldn't he be in school?!"

I'm not surprised at this reaction anymore. Since Roo turned two, MY man has been getting a lot of pressure from his colleagues about this issue. When MY man shared our views about too early schooling with them, they looked at him like he was from another planet. They think we are depriving Roo of an education. They mentioned that here in Bangkok, kids go to school when they are two. "And doesn't your wife get bored, just staying in the house with your son? Why don't you send him to preschool now?!"

I must admit I am affected by all these feedback. But because our decision was made with a lot of prayers, careful thought and consideration, I'm not about to back up. I taught third-graders for only five years but I've seen enough of the disadvantages of kids going to school at an early age to not want that for my son. These kids' parents send them to school very early, primarily because both parents work, and they think it's much better for their kids to be in the school with teachers, than be at home, doing "nothing" with uneducated nannies. And what happens? These kids who don't get to play as much as they want to, play or act up in the classroom. They become 'problem' students and the more parents, and (most often) teachers put pressure on them to put their act together and do what they're supposed to do, the problems just continue to worsen or escalate. Enter any classroom and you'll find more than half of the students bored or not showing much interest in their studies.

MY man and I have had to make sacrifices because of this decision. First, financially, we'd surely be earning more if I'm working too. Then, there's the career thing for me that's put on hold. God knows the struggle I'd had to go through, putting all my plans aside, just so I can be home for my little one. I do enjoy interacting with my toddler, asking questions and finding answers to questions. I just love watching him blossom and grow. But I wouldn't be honest if I say that there are no downtimes at all. It's not easy being a stay-at-home mom. Sometimes it feels like a lonely thankless job. I'm at it seven days a week (sometimes it feels like eight), twenty-four hours a day, no day-offs, no sick leave.

But why do I stick at it? MY man and I believe it's for our son's best interests. We want him to enjoy his childhood, be free to play and explore the 'world', and his imaginary world without the limitations and structure of school. Yet. With God's grace and wisdom, we hope to build and plant values and virtues in him before he goes out into the 'real' world. We want to get bonded with him in a way that whatever happens to him later on in life, he will know he has a place to come home to, where he's loved for who he is, and where he will always be safe being who he is. We yearn to lead him to the Saviour, that when he finds himself in difficult situations later, he will trust that His Saviour will see him through it all, and that he will choose to be on God's side no matter what. We know that our time to do all that is very limited. Time flies fast, pretty soon, he'll zoom out into the world, all ready to explore and be on his own, to find his own niche and purpose in life.

So for those who ask why he's not in school yet, I say, He'll be in school soon enough.

Happy 60th Birthday Daddy!

Growing up, my dad was my hero. My superman.

Not once did I doubt his love for me. In fact, I never showed any interest in boyfriends when I was in my teenage years because no one, I believed (or was I raised to believe? ;D), could love me more than my dad did. No boy could ever be as kind, as intelligent, as loving and caring as my father. No one, not one, measured up to my dad.

My earliest childhood memory associated with daddy is the life-sized doll he bought for me when he came back from a stint in Saudi Arabia. The happy memory of playing with that doll stands out in my mind. It was pretty, and when wound up, its blue eyes opened and close as it swayed from left to right to tune of a lullaby. When I started school, the times I needed help with my homework, I didn't run to my mom as most kids do. It was always to my dad, because if ever I had problems with homework, it was either in Math or Science, and my mom would always say Your dad knows that better. I also remember him helping me write an essay for some Science Contest, which I won at the District Level, and eventually brought me to the Regional Level. So it was my dad too who spurred my interest in writing.

I will never forget those times in college when I'd come home and my dad would be ready to cook everything my heart desired. He'd go really early to the market, make sure he can get fresh fish, cook sinigang just the way I like it, and set aside the parts that I love. Monday mornings, I would always be late for school, or miss classes altogether, because I just had to eat one more favorite that daddy concocted in the wee hours of dawn.

When I left home for Thailand, it was my dad who brought me to the airport. I found out later from my mom that my dad didn't leave the airport until he was sure that I had passed immigration. He stuck it out at the waiting area until my plane left. And that became a tradition. Then on my homecomings, as soon as he found out the date of my arrival, he'd start a countdown, and every single day, announce to the household how many days are left before THE day. Day of arrival, he'd be up really early, go to market, buy his ingredients, then cook up a storm so that I'd eat my favorite right on my first meal at home. These, he did, for me and all my siblings.

One thing that I like about my dad the most was his devotion to my mom. He and my mom were like Siamese twins. Inseparable. At times when my mom had to be away, my dad couldn't even sleep on their bed alone. Then long before mommy's arrival, he'd be up and about, ready to meet and welcome her. There was even a time that he wanted to go to the airport like a day before mommy was supposed to arrive. Funny, it could be sometimes, but I like that kind of love. I always prayed that if God would give me a life partner, it'd be someone like my dad, who loved my mom for life. They didn't have the perfect relationship, of course, but it was near perfect as it could be.

And I should never forget to mention that my dad was a channel through which I met my Saviour. Daddy's faith in God and his zeal for God's work has inspired me to work out my own relationship with Jesus. I am thankful that God is at work in my dad's life, and that He is giving my dad strength to move on and help finish His work here in Thailand.

Today is my dad's 60th birthday. It pains me to see my dad alone without my mom, but I just have to believe with all my heart, that this is what is best for him right now. I look forward to the day when I'd see my dad really happy again, when I will once more see the twinkle in his eyes, which understandably disappeared when my mom passed away. Last night, during his birthday celebration, we caught a glimpse of the old daddy, my daddy who used to be so happy with life.

Happy birthday Daddy! I love you!

Roo helping Lolo with the candles

Tito Jr is on the phone ready to sing Happy Birthday with us

Lolo's ice cream cake, his first.

My sis' creation: Lola's favorite, according to lolo.

Happy 60th birthday Lolo!

In Dire Need of Zzzzzzs

'Twas the best of nights...

Roo was exhausted. Had a full afternoon playing and running around at Little Gym. Plus there was a lego fair at Emporium so we let him play there for a while. He fell asleep in the car on the way home.

So we had a quiet evening. Caught up on news with my sis and dad when we got home. MY man speedraced on Facebook. I spent some time reading some friends' blogs. My bro called, we had a nice chat.

'Twas the worst of nights...

Just when we were dozing off to sleep, Roo wakes up. He wanted milk. He was itchy. We asked if he wanted to take a bath, he didn't answer. Just nodded off again. So I changed him to pajamas, and wiped him down.

A few minutes later, he started scratching again. Daddy, I need to wash. The snoring dad woke up, brought him to the bathroom, changed him. Came back to the bed, turned the light off, dozed off.

Where's my icepack? My feet! My feet are painful. Daddy, carry me! Daddy, please massage my feet!

The usual nightmare. Whenever he's too tired, he dreams about painful feet and wakes up crying. The mommy and daddy got up, turned the lights on, and assured him that he was just dreaming. Please massage my feet.

But because the mommy and daddy were tired and sleepy, the massaging soon stopped. As soon as we stopped, the crying started. Sigh. Then he's back to being itchy.

Daddy, I want to take a bath! (Carrying and itching matters are delegated to daddy so he knew he couldn't ask that from me.) The daddy refuses and tells him to go back to sleep. Howling ensued.

That was at 2 am my dear readers. You bet the daddy was not exactly in the best of moods to give baths to howling toddlers, but he did. I finally got up when more bedlam followed and I heard chattering of teeth inside the bathroom. My poor boys!

The dad went right back to bed and I cuddled with my little Roo who was asking to play. Had to explain that it was in the middle of the night, that mommy and daddy need sleep, that he too needed to sleep. I don't know when exactly we fell asleep but we did. Next thing I knew, it was morning, and he was all over me, asking Is it morning? Can I play now?